The Rosie Bee

Starring Grizzy and Sophie

Thankful

Happy Memorial Day everyone! Thank you to all who have served and the families who have supported them. I have quite a few family members who have been in the service and/or a war, so I am happy there is a national day of remembrance.

It’s been a very nice, thoughtful day. I’ve been reflecting on how thankful I am. If nothing else, I am thankful for REST! This semester was rough, to say the least, with my class (I’m sure there are a LOT of people who are thrilled they don’t have to hear me go on and on about “that stupid paper”), and then there was the work situation (but I’m still thankful I have a job – and I really love my job!)…but most of all, it was really, really, really tough with my Rosie getting sick and then me having to let her go.

All that in only five months!!

It’s definitely been an emotional time, and I am so thankful for those who have been so supportive during this time. I appreciate you all so much! This is such an amazing community with some amazing people and I feel fortunate to be here. 🙂

On that note, look at what I got from my friend Roberta!

Rosie Magnet

Rosie Bee magnet

Isn’t it beautiful? I just love it – I love how there are roses and a bee, and of course, my sweet girl Rosie Bee. It warms my heart every time I see it. Thank you again, Roberta!

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Sweet Relief

And good news! My 55-page proposal was accepted so I have successfully passed The Class From HellTM. This means in Fall 2013, I will carry out my proposal, report out on it, and graduate never to look back. I can’t wait.

In other good news, my Rosie necklace came. A few people have asked, but no, none of her ashes were used in the necklace. 🙂 I love it. I knew it would be great, but it totally exceeded even those expectations! I couldn’t get a decent picture of me wearing it, so here is the picture they sent me prior to mailing it.

Rosie pendant from Wexford Jewelers

Rosie pendant from Wexford Jewelers

I started looking at adoptable cats in full force this weekend. I found one that I thought would be perfect but there was a bit of a mix-up and it turns out she is already going home to what I’m sure is a great family. So the hunt continues! And now that I don’t have to spend every waking minute working on an insane proposal for that class, more posts to come!

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Tough day

I picked up Rosie’s ashes on Friday. 😦 It was a very difficult day. However, I did want to share a few nice things:

Everyone at the vet was wonderful. Very compassionate and kind. They also did a lovely job with her paw print.

Rosie's paw print

Rosie’s paw print

The picture is a little upside-down, but you can see her name near the bottom.

I also got a little snippet of her fur.

Rosie's multicolored fur

Rosie’s multicolored fur

This was really difficult to even type up! I miss her so, so, SO much. But maybe with this…I dunno. Maybe this is a milestone, and after this things will get a little easier? I do have to say, it means a lot to have these items, and I am very touched by how kind everyone at the vet was. They definitely made a difference during this awful time.

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Really, Life?

Today marks three weeks since my Rosie has been gone. It’s been a rough week and has left me questioning “Really, Life?” (Yes, I actually said that out loud to the air. At least if Rosie was around I could say I wasn’t talking to myself! lol)

So in the past month, my Rosie Bee fell ill and I had to say goodbye. 😦 We’ve had some layoffs at work. Thankfully, my job is secure (knocks on desk) but it’s still tough to see so many coworkers transition out. There have been some friendship changes – ultimately good, but it still sucks to realize some people are just out for themselves. (But the up side is it makes me really appreciate the true, most excellent friends I do have!)

And then there’s graduate school. Some years back I had the hare-brained idea to get my MA. I stopped for a time, but then came back to it. When I started the degree I had a clear career goal in mind – I knew just what I wanted to do with the degree. Well, that didn’t happen. Work changes, career changes…I’m in a good spot now, but my career goals have shifted. And, with the sluggish economy and other things, I’m not sure the degree is still a good fit. In fact, I only went back to finish it up just to “get it done” and because my employer would pay for at least one semester.

This semester, I’m writing an action research project proposal. Basically, a thesis proposal. My current paper is 47 pages. Each class we build on it, then send it to the prof for review, then she sends us feedback. I’ve had to rewrite the entire thing when it was 17 pages, and then I think 24 pages. I say that as background – I’ve been flying blind in this class. Four periods into the class my professor read my paper and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I was confused about your question. You’ll have to start over.” Mm-hm. Cue one of many meltdowns. Did I mention it sometimes takes up until the next class to get her feedback? And one week she’ll say to add something and then next week take it out?

My last class is Saturday. I am supposed to present to the review board next week. My professor hasn’t contacted me (other than a one-word email response) in almost two weeks. To say I’m a little frazzled is an understatement. Am I passing? Am I not passing? (The class is pass/fail, btw.)

Really, Life? I mean, really?!

On top of all this, or perhaps given all this, I don’t even know if I want to finish. After this I’d have two classes: one actual class, and one “class” where all I’d do is pay to report out on the project. It’s a good chunk of money, for one, and I just don’t know that I want to anymore. I’m just burned out. Has that ever happened to you? You work so hard for something and then at some point you just think, “Why am I doing this? I don’t really even want to do this anymore”?

There are other things I’d rather do. I’m involved in a speech and leadership group – I would like to help people with that. Or writing resumes. I got a LOT of practice doing that a while back and I got a pretty good return on my applications, so maybe I could help people with resume/cv writing (but not price gauge them like most places do – good grief, talk about swindling people). I could volunteer for an organization, like a humane society! And on and on. Point is, I feel like I’m in a holding pattern because of this stupid class and the non-feedback from my professor. And more than that, I’m just not sure I want to continue after going through this semester. (I should add that cost is not a small issue.)

And it struck me that I miss my Rosie so much, and now I’m crying. For all the awfulness this semester has dealt me, her getting sick and then me losing her was by far the hardest. I wish she was here to cuddle with and talk to.

Do you know what I’m scared of? That I won’t find another cat that likes to be held or is funny like her or wakes me up at 4 in the morning. I miss that.

So here are a couple questions for you guys:
1) Have you ever worked hard for a goal and then realized you no longer want that goal, or the goal just doesn’t fit anymore?
2) What vacuum would you suggest for pet owners? Mine is on the fritz and I need to get a new one. I will be getting a pair of furbabies sooner or later, so I’d like to prepare for their arrival. 🙂

Gratuitous new arrival pics!
My mom recently adopted a little girl, Pearl (formerly known as “Sunshine”). Isn’t she a cutie? Her fur is incredibly soft!

So tiny!

So tiny!

She is a little sassypants. She loves to kick around those little balls or mice and then carry them around in her mouth.

Passed out.

Passed out after playing.

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