Today marks three weeks since my Rosie has been gone. It’s been a rough week and has left me questioning “Really, Life?” (Yes, I actually said that out loud to the air. At least if Rosie was around I could say I wasn’t talking to myself! lol)
So in the past month, my Rosie Bee fell ill and I had to say goodbye. 😦 We’ve had some layoffs at work. Thankfully, my job is secure (knocks on desk) but it’s still tough to see so many coworkers transition out. There have been some friendship changes – ultimately good, but it still sucks to realize some people are just out for themselves. (But the up side is it makes me really appreciate the true, most excellent friends I do have!)
And then there’s graduate school. Some years back I had the hare-brained idea to get my MA. I stopped for a time, but then came back to it. When I started the degree I had a clear career goal in mind – I knew just what I wanted to do with the degree. Well, that didn’t happen. Work changes, career changes…I’m in a good spot now, but my career goals have shifted. And, with the sluggish economy and other things, I’m not sure the degree is still a good fit. In fact, I only went back to finish it up just to “get it done” and because my employer would pay for at least one semester.
This semester, I’m writing an action research project proposal. Basically, a thesis proposal. My current paper is 47 pages. Each class we build on it, then send it to the prof for review, then she sends us feedback. I’ve had to rewrite the entire thing when it was 17 pages, and then I think 24 pages. I say that as background – I’ve been flying blind in this class. Four periods into the class my professor read my paper and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I was confused about your question. You’ll have to start over.” Mm-hm. Cue one of many meltdowns. Did I mention it sometimes takes up until the next class to get her feedback? And one week she’ll say to add something and then next week take it out?
My last class is Saturday. I am supposed to present to the review board next week. My professor hasn’t contacted me (other than a one-word email response) in almost two weeks. To say I’m a little frazzled is an understatement. Am I passing? Am I not passing? (The class is pass/fail, btw.)
Really, Life? I mean, really?!
On top of all this, or perhaps given all this, I don’t even know if I want to finish. After this I’d have two classes: one actual class, and one “class” where all I’d do is
pay to report out on the project. It’s a good chunk of money, for one, and I just don’t know that I want to anymore. I’m just burned out. Has that ever happened to you? You work so hard for something and then at some point you just think, “Why am I doing this? I don’t really even want to do this anymore”?
There are other things I’d rather do. I’m involved in a speech and leadership group – I would like to help people with that. Or writing resumes. I got a LOT of practice doing that a while back and I got a pretty good return on my applications, so maybe I could help people with resume/cv writing (but not price gauge them like most places do – good grief, talk about swindling people). I could volunteer for an organization, like a humane society! And on and on. Point is, I feel like I’m in a holding pattern because of this stupid class and the non-feedback from my professor. And more than that, I’m just not sure I want to continue after going through this semester. (I should add that cost is not a small issue.)
And it struck me that I miss my Rosie so much, and now I’m crying. For all the awfulness this semester has dealt me, her getting sick and then me losing her was by far the hardest. I wish she was here to cuddle with and talk to.
Do you know what I’m scared of? That I won’t find another cat that likes to be held or is funny like her or wakes me up at 4 in the morning. I miss that.
So here are a couple questions for you guys:
1) Have you ever worked hard for a goal and then realized you no longer want that goal, or the goal just doesn’t fit anymore?
2) What vacuum would you suggest for pet owners? Mine is on the fritz and I need to get a new one. I will be getting a pair of furbabies sooner or later, so I’d like to prepare for their arrival. 🙂
Gratuitous new arrival pics!
My mom recently adopted a little girl, Pearl (formerly known as “Sunshine”). Isn’t she a cutie? Her fur is incredibly soft!
She is a little sassypants. She loves to kick around those little balls or mice and then carry them around in her mouth.
Passed out after playing.